Fourth Teaching of Mindfulness | Loving Speech and Deep Listening
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations.
This teaching is asking us to let go of our attachment to specific worldviews and practice careful speech and compassionate listening - even if we "don't agree" with the viewpoints of the other person. Often in our day 'n age (or perhaps every day 'n age), people stop listening in order to defend or argue their own point of view. This idea - perhaps culturally ingrained - that there can only be one right answer creates discord and violence. In my own life, I practice fully listening, looking at the situation / information from the other person's shoes, and speaking lightly in order to give the person a choice. I feel as though this cultural 'need to be right' has to do with taking people's power away - of being dominant. That said, it is more difficult applying these teachings to relationships with people whom you love. With strangers, it is almost easier to allow them their space and to listen compassionately. With lovers and family, it is not so easy.
Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope.
This aspect of the teaching is much like Patanjali's teaching of satya. Trust is a valuable thing. Honesty builds trust and creates a living space where you can be free and spontaneous. The teaching mentions not only truth but using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. This means not being hurtful, rude or blunt even if it is "the truth". Finding ways of being honest that do not cause harm. Side note... It is amazing how surprising honesty can be in our culture. Example: I received my bill in a restaurant. The waitress had forgotten to include the order of ice cream. When paying the bill, I mentioned that the item was missing. The waitress added the ice cream, took the payment, and commented "Wow, you didn't need to be so honest! I probably never would have noticed."
When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations.
Ah-ha! Anger... Oy vey... Again, it can be easier to not speak out in anger towards co-workers, strangers, friends. The difficulty lies in applying these teachings (especially this one) in loving relationship, with the person(s) closest to you. It remains a practice.
I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.
Can you imagine our culture without gossip? Whole television shows, magazines, and pseudo-newspapers would be out of content! People would have nothing to say or read and they'd have to find something else to do with their time. Like sit down and meditate.
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