"never leave home without Betty & Pansy"!

Time: 3:47pm
What: 45 minutes asana / 20 minutes seated practice
Focus: Fourth Foundation / Exercises 13 - 16 (Ana-)

13. Breathing in, I observe the impermanent nature of all dharmas. Breathing out, I observe the impermanent nature of all dharmas.

14. Breathing in, I observe the disappearance of desire. Breathing out, I observe the disappearance of desire.

15. Breathing in, I observe cessation. Breathing out, I observe cessation.

16. Breathing in, I observe letting go. Breathing out, I observe letting go.

Took the new focus of the Fourth Foundation as a type of choiceless awareness, or bare attention, highlighting the impermanence of whatever phenomena (thought, sensation, breath) arises. Watching each dharma come up, linger, and pass away. Sitting and looking at change.

Of course, it being the first sit with the Fourth Foundation, it felt like an "idea". The idea of impermanence. Not so much a direct experience. There were thoughts that arose, lingered, and moved on. Bombarded by thoughts about classes I recently agreed to teach (see previous post about feeling a sense of inadequacy). Directed attention to the mind thinking versus the content of the thoughts themselves. Poof! They vanished (temporarily).

Knowing that the alarm was set and that the sit was 20 minutes long didn't stop impatience from arising. But does it need to? Looked at the clock. Yep. Four minutes remaining. Reaction to the impatience. Aversion to the feelings of being impatient. Returned to noticing breath... Bringing awareness to the physical, physiological, and psychological experience of impatience. Funny how it can feel so unbearable (dear self, it's not - love, nicole).