Reflection on the Third Mindfulness Training | True Love
Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.
I appreciate this teaching as an alternative to 'brahmacharya'. Often teachings around the responsible use of sexual energy ask for celibacy or refer to the life of a householder and procreation. I have often struggled with how to apply the teaching to a same-sex relationship within a modern (and not celibate) context. I also find that religious views of sexuality are often oppressive and teach people to be shameful of their bodies (which goes against my feminist sensibilities). The third mindfulness training does not ask us to be celibate (per se) or shameful of our sexuality, instead it asks for a loving relationship to be the context for sexual relations. It also asks us, as a community, to take responsibility for the well-being of others - protecting children and families from sexual abuse and misconduct. This goes over and above being responsible for ourselves and extends the effects of our practice out into the world. It asks for responsibility, loving-kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness. The teaching asks us to be mindful of how we use our sexual energy, asking us to investigate further, and perhaps even notice how desire gives way to more desire (and that not every urge and whim needs to be appeased). I think a dialogue around this teaching can be broken down into a deep discussion and investigation of the appropriate / responsible use(s) of sexuality, covering all bases from loving relationship, infidelity, sexual abuse, harassment, masturbation, honesty and commitment (to name a few).
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