"never leave home without Betty & Pansy"!

Jet lag is eating my life. I just slept in until 1 o-frick'n-clock in the afternoon! Who does that?! What am I, 16? Sheesh. I blame it on the rain. No, no... that's not it. I blame it on the fact that I wasn't able to do the whole homeopathic remedy schtick on the way back due to the newly introduced airplane security measures. Just so you know, I had to fashion my own saline solution out of my dinner salt and a tiny cup on water. Brilliant. I would say I was like MacGyver (or I already have...) but I think that I'm quite possibly cuter. Maybe not. We can call it a tie and leave it at that.

VS.

This was meant to be a serious blog entry. But who needs serious, really. I always tell my students that experienced yogis seem to always have a slight smile on their face. That they seem to have the wisdom to not take "themselves" so seriously. So smile while you practice getting into handstand. It'll all be the same in the end anyways [insert smile here].

Updates on the Toronto visit.

I got my lip pierced. Now I'm too metal for Taiwan. It's a little bit disconcerting... But the piercing makes me smile... and makes my lip all puffy and hilarious. Ryan likes to tease me about it. Jerk (ah ha haaaaa).

So I'm finding myself nervous about teaching. Is that not rather strange? I've spent the past 5 months teaching twice (minimum) per day, 6 days per week... How could one week off make me nervous to return? Though I taught two classes yesterday morning and felt very refreshed. It's amazing what a little break and some teachers can provide to one's ability to teach. Imagine. As if learning something could provide you with something to offer students (oh, sarcasm is bad news bear).

So here was the situation. I decided to go home (toronto) because I was feeling a little bit empty. Every class I taught seemed to be draining a little more out of me. I had nothing to say... and every time I spoke, I seemed to have even LESS to say. It presented a bit of a conundrum. I was feeling a little bit lost. And ultimately, I'm (fairly) comfortable with being lost -- being that little bit further from the idea of myself. But it certainly wasn't helping the whole teaching situation... I've felt the incredible need for a teacher. I am in need of a little direction. And when I say "a little", I mean straight-up direction.

So there you have it.

Visiting Toronto was fabulous. It kind of makes my heart ache now. To experience so many people that mean something to you. That love you in various differing forms. People that you love.

Being in Kensington Market kind of killed me. Home sweet home (always makes me think: Aum sweet aum). The smells ~ fish, nag champa and patchouli, the sense of home, the fact that I didn't STAND OUT. Hey look, no one's pointing at me and talking to their friends in Mandarin! Fascinating.

Though to contradict that, of course, I also felt a sense of sadness there. Because there wasn't a clear place for me... If I were to return, what would I do? Where would I work? How would I manage to live? How could I afford to practice yoga?! These are all very important questions. Or are they? And naturally, I missed Ryan, Ai ma, and teaching. Oh the conflicts! That makes me laugh. Who needs clarity or answers, really? Just surrender into it nicole, it'll move forward in some form or other.

Enough of that.

I thought of a new tattoo idea. Oh, I will be COVERED yet! I've felt myself drawn to the image of Mary of Guadalupe... But Ryan felt that I couldn't get a tattoo of Christian iconography, being so not Christian. But then I was walking down the street listening to my MP3 player, and an Atmosphere song came on (goddamn I love him!). So this is what I thought of... A picture of Mary, with no face or hands... and in script underneath, the following Atmosphere lyrics: I never expected a bowl of cherries, I'm just a Virgo trying to find my own version of the Virgin Mary.

There it is. Who knows really. Hey... you should read the rest of those lyrics, they're greatness. Just click on the blue underlined words. Time to go do something else... like teach in an hour and 1/2. I love you, I miss you, I hug you. xx. -n.